How The Jets Stole Christmas
How The Jets Stole Christmas
Every Phins-fan in Phins-ville
Liked the Dolphins a lot…
But the Jets
Who lived just North of Phins-ville,
Did NOT!
The Jets hated the Dolphins!
It happened each season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could a grudge that continued to last.
It could be old woes from deep in the past.
But whatever the reason,
A grudge or old woes,
They stood there on Christmas Day, hating their foes.
Staring crossfield with a Mangini glare
At the happy young Phins who were warming up there,
The coach knew by the noise from the fans, oh the din!
The Phins-fans were excited! They expected to win!
“They’re updating their standings!” he snarled with a sneer.
“They think that we might as well not even be here!”
Then he growled, with his fingers nervously drumming,
“We MUST find a way to hit the ground running!”
For, if they didn’t, oh! If they didn’t he knew...
All the Phins-fans would cheer, they would cheer themselves blue!
And THEN
They’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Phins-fan in Phins-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And they would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing!
AND they’d SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the coach thought of the Phins-Christmas-Sing
The more the coach thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE COACH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” the coach laughed as he planned,
And he sketched out a play in the dirt with his hand.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What great trickeration!
“With this crafty gameplan we’ll shock the nation!
“All I need is some time... an extra tick-tock!”
So he called his O-linemen, and he begged them to block.
“And NOW!” grinned the coach, “We will run up the gut!
“We will make the Phins think we are stuck in a rut.
“We will pound that rock twenty times, more if we need.
“And then we’ll change tack at dizzying speed!”
So when the Phins settled down in their stance for a run,
He called the trick play and then watched the fun.
The first half nearly over, a good moment to choose...
With the Phins playing run,
All their fans now a-snooze.
When Houston set off on another dull dive,
Only to turn at the line, the play still alive!
The Phins lay in tatters! Their defense ungluing!
Stacked up on the line, with their ends o’er pursuing!
Their safeties so quick, oh they couldn’t be quicker!
To close in on that run – but then…
The Flea Flicker!
The timing! The blocking! The flip back to Chad!
Linebackers now scrambling, they knew they’d been had!
Jason Taylor crumpling beneath Brick and Baker,
All giving time for LC, the play-maker.
Forty yards sailed the pass! Forty yards like a rope,
The cornerback flailing, he felt like a dope.
As Coles burned the turf the coach knew he would catch it.
He turned with a fluid move and reached up to snatch it!
“booh-hoo to the Phins!” he was happily humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!
“They’re looking on startled! I know just what they’ll do!
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
“Then all the Phins-fans in Phins-ville will cry BOO-HOO!”
And the coach, who had drawn up the plan, stood their grinning,
For the best Christmas present of all was just winning.
And what happened then...?
Well... on SportsCenter they say
That the Jets’ playoff chances
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute the race didn’t feel quite so tight,
They flew back home in the dawn’s early light.
And they brought back the game balls! They’d got their big wish!
For they...
...THEY THEMSELVES,
The JETS
Had carved up the Fish!
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